Choosing Your Bestman

Selecting someone to be your bestman may seem like a straightforward decision – obviously, you’ll pick your brother or your best mate who you’ve been friends with since primary school. But your decision should be based upon more than just friendship or family duty.

There are other things to consider that you may not have thought of. While it seems obvious to choose your brother or long-time friend, make sure they have the right qualities to be a bestman.

It’s your wedding and your bestman’s duties can vary as you see fit, but there are certain tasks a bestman traditionally takes care of

His most high-profile job is to keep the wedding rings safe and present to the groom at the appropriate time during the wedding ceremony. But his duties start well before the wedding. He will plan and organise your stag party and ensure you make it home in one piece (so he needs to be someone you can trust).

He will keep the marriage licence secure for the day of the wedding, and help you select gifts for your bride on behalf of your groomsmen. If you’re having a rehearsal dinner, he’s likely to make a speech.

Aside from his role as ‘keeper of the ring’, on the day of the wedding his most important responsibility is making sure you are relaxed, prepared and dressed time.

After the ceremony, his is in charge of the wedding cars, and ensuring all guests, including you and your new bride, make it to the reception. He’ll deliver payments on your behalf to the celebrants, wedding photographer, chauffeurs, band and caterer. One of the highlights of the reception is usually the bestman’s speech, so he has a lot to live up to in terms of guests’ expectations, which puts a fair amount of pressure on him.

When you weigh all this up, suddenly your drinking buddy from uni may not be the best choice for this important role. Having your bestman slurring his way through the speeches and forgetting to pay the wedding caterer is not a good look. And might want to think twice about asking the practical joker of the bunch. A wedding is just too tempting, and inappropriate comments will go down like a lead balloon.

There are certain characteristics that make a great bestman. Look for someone who is: organised; low stress and a calming influence; trustworthy, reliable and responsible; friendly and outgoing – preferably someone who many of your family and friends already know well; living in the same country (and ideally, the same city) as you; not too busy with family and work commitments.

Most importantly, make sure your fiancée approves of your choice. It will make things a lot easier all round.

It’s your wedding so don’t feel obligated to ask any particular person. If your mates are competing for the job, then it may be safer to choose a family member. If you’re not on good terms with your brother, choose a mate. It’s always a good idea to announce your choices for bestman and groomsmen all at the same time to stop anyone from feeling left out.

There’s no reason why your father or son can’t be our bestman. And, although it may be considered somewhat unconventional, having a bestwoman is another option.

If you have two really good friends who expect to be bestman at your wedding, why not have both of them?

They could share the role – organising the stage party together, dividing the duties during the ceremony: one handing you the rings, the other witnessing the marriage licence. And at the reception, they could give joint speeches.

The Best Bridemaids

Being asked to be a bridesmaid is a privilege and an honour, and is not something you get to do every day!

If you’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid it means you are a truly trusted and valuable friend. It can be a chance to create great memories and enhance friendships, but it can also be very busy, expensive, and stressful so before you accept the responsibility make sure you can afford the time, energy, and extra money the job may take.

Weddings are hard work to organise – particularly for the bride – and a bridesmaid’s job is to help relieve the stress so it would be unfair to accept if you can’t give 100% support and commitment.

One of the usual questions asked regarding bridesmaids is – who pays?

In this day and age anything goes. There are many couples who ask that the bridesmaid pays for her own dress, shoes, hair and make-up. Others will pay for the hair & make up but expect the bridesmaid to pay for her own dress.

My personal opinion is the bridesmaid shouldn’t have to pay for anything. You have asked her to be a part of your wedding so it is your responsibility to take care of the things she needs to perform that duty. I would however make an exception for her shoes – a bridesmaid could either wear some of her existing shoes or buy a pair of shoes which she would wear again.

Consult your bridesmaids about the style of dress they would like to wear -  if they don’t feel comfortable, they won’t look or feel good on the day. Decide who will pay the dresses, shoes and accessories, and if they can be worn again for other occasions. If you are having flowergirls or pageboys, talk to their parents about what style of attire would be appropriate for them. You can use small details from the bridal gown on the outfits of the bridesmaids and children to tie the look together.

Groovy Groomsmen

A groomsman is first someone who is important to the groom, and whom the groom wants to be a visible part of his wedding. He may be a good friend, brother, cousin or father. It’s quite common these days for your groomsman to be a she; more men are asking female friends to be part of their attendants.

It can be quite expensive being a groomsman, you could be up for things including cost of apparel, travel, and hotel room for the ceremony, hosting a stag party, as well as the gifts. A groomsman should have these expenses in mind when he accepts the honour and be up front with the groom about what he is and isn’t able to afford. Once he has agreed to be a groomsman, however, he shouldn’t complain about the cost. (As long as the groom was upfront with you!)

Pageboys & Flowergirls

Little ones can add something very special to your wedding. Even though the wedding day revolves around the bride and groom, it’s also a day of excitement for the children involved.

Nothing is more adorable than a flower girl adorned in frills and flowers or a pageboy dressed in a dashing suit.

When considering involving children in your wedding you need to be sure of their personalities and also of their reaction to all the fuss that inevitably takes place on a wedding day. Do they relish being the centre of attention or are they likely to be shy and retiring? When choosing a flower girl, pageboy or ring bearer there are a few things to bear in mind.

Firstly, you must have a familiar relationship with the child. It can be a daunting experience to have to walk down an aisle with lots of stranger watching you and camera flashing. With this in mind, it’s a good idea to have a familiar face (such as a parent or grandma) in view for the little one to see as they perform their all-important role of walking down the aisle. Another way to ensure your little one doesn’t suffer stage fright is by letting them walk behind the bridesmaid or holding hands with one of the bridesmaids.

Their attention span, behaviour, attitude and level of confidence all need to be considered.

Typically the flower girls, pageboys and ring bearers are between three and seven years of age. If your feel that they can walk down the aisle and behave during the ceremony then it should be fine to include them on the day.

Remember….a wedding can be quite a long event and children can become tired and irritable, so try to sneak in a nap a few hours before they dress for the day.

Try to have photographs taken early in the wedding day. This way you ensure that the children are not tired and are eager to participate. And don’t worry if photographs don’t interest them – an experienced photographer will capture them at their best and will surprise and delight you with the results.

When choosing outfits for children, keep in mind how comfortable the garments are. Avoid outfits with scratchy labels, seams or decorative touches that they can pull at. Also consider the time of year and make sure the children will be warm or cool enough. The outfits need to be well fitted and not too tight or restricting. Buttons and bows at the back will also help avoid any unexpected stripteases throughout the day!

As obvious as it may sound, it’s important to do a toilet check just before leaving for the ceremony. ‘Accidents’ can happen and are more likely if the little ones are a bit nervous and excited.

Give the older children the responsibility of carrying the posies or flower baskets and the ring cushion, and for the younger ones you can have a flower circlet made for their hair or a pomander of flowers made for their wrists. And the boys…well, they get to escort the princess down the aisle!

And finally, we all love to be praised no matter what our age. Make sure that you explain the children’s role to them but continue to affirm with praise and encouragement before, during and even after the event.

This way you should all have fun on your wedding day.

When preparing for a wedding you need to consider the best way to choose flower girls and flower girl dresses.  The dress part is relatively easy.  Since most flower girl dresses are white dresses, color doesn’t come into play.  You might, however, want to add a sash in the color of the bridesmaid dresses for a little extra flair.  Generally, flower girl dresses are a reflection of the bride’s dress, if not a scaled-down copy.

The flower girl is a focal point of your wedding procession.  You want to choose a flower girl who is confident and capable.  Don’t pick someone who will be too nervous just in order to do a good deed.  The flower girl is usually very young, between four and eight years old.  She commonly has some sort of special connection to the bride or groom.

photo credit: cliff1066™

For some couples, the choice of a flower girl is easily apparent.  There is a young girl in their life like a daughter or niece who is the obvious candidate for a flower girl.  For other couples, the choice may be a bit more difficult because of multiple options.  When faced with multiple options, try and pick someone whom you feel has the best chance of remaining composed and not allowing her nerves to get the best of her.  While it is a nice thing to have a flower girl in your wedding party, you don’t want her to mess up the ceremony too badly.

Take the jitters away from your flower girl’s performance by having her parents sit at the aisle, where she can easily see them and feel assured.  Assign one of your bridesmaids to be her buddy and help her to rehearse before the ceremony and to make sure that she uses the restroom right before the wedding commences.

Most flower girls are very conscientious.  They love their flower girl dresses, which make them feel special, all done up like the bride.