Are you eager to personalise your wedding vows but can’t find the best way to say it? We have advice from the experts on how to express on how to express your love with grace and flair.

When planning for our big day, it’s quite easy to get caught up in the dress, the flowers and the shoes and forget about the ceremony itself. You vows deserve as much attention as any other part of the wedding, and it’s a good idea to make this part reflect you both as individuals and as a couple.

Think about what you want from your wedding vows: is it a fixed, traditional ‘I take thee…’ style ceremony? Or do you want an updated version of a traditional wedding? You may want to put a personalised touch on a traditional theme to ensure you individual personalities show through.

Also, take into account you and your partner’s religion; for example, many Christians like to use the well-known love passage from Corinthians 13 in the ceremony. Depending on religion, you may have a set ceremony, but you can still make it your own.

Writing our wedding vows yourself is one of the best ways to ensure you express your personal love for your partner. They’re your words, and no one else’s!

Helena Dixon, a registered marriage and civil union celebrant, says most couples now write their own vows rather than stick to traditional phrases. ‘I always encourage people to write their own vows,’ she says. ‘It’s more personal. It is quite common that they write their own vows but also common that they need a helping hand.’

Helena gives engaged couples some wedding vows examples to help them get started. ‘They can do whatever they like with that,’ she says. ‘They may use it as a starting point or they may rewrite it entirely.

photo credit: Emery Co Photo

‘You can say so much; the vows don’t just have to be the basic things.’

You must, however, include in your wedding vows a statement of some kind that you are there to marry each other, or words to that effect, such as ‘Today we join our loves forever in marriage’.

‘You are stating in front of witnesses that you are there to marry each other,’ she says. Whether you use the terms husband and wife, or partner or spouse, that statement is key.’

You can also incorporate any jokes that are just between the two of you as well as humour (‘I promise to take the garbage out’)!

The best way to write your own wedding vows is simply to think about why you love your partner. Both of you should sit in separate rooms with a fresh sheet of paper and write down – without stopping if you can – the first 10 things you love about your partner. This stage should be quick and easy!

Also think about the good memories you have of your fiancé. When did you feel really in love? Think about how you felt when you first met, or what defines your relationship. How has your relationship stayed strong even when times have been tough? What has your love and relationship meant to each other?

Amid the madness of planning your nuptials, it’s also important just to spend some fun time together and remind yourselves why you love each other. This will be a big help with this first step if you do get stuck.

Get together and see where you and your fiancé overlap; highlight what you have in common as this will be useful to bring unity to your vows.

Next, think about yourself. What promises can you make to your loved one? Turn the paper over and write down at least five things you want to do for your partner. Will you cherish him? Respect him? Comfort him? Encourage him? Support him unconditionally in his goals? You get the idea.

Prioritise these ideas from first to last so the most important is at the top.

Think about time frames; your wedding vows need to indicate longevity of commitment – obviously for life. Will you make these promises ‘for the rest of my days’ or ‘throughout our years’? Perhaps you might think of something more poetic.

Also consider how you will address each other; some prefer husband and wife, while others choose spouse or partner. Pick whatever sounds right to you both.

photo credit: Emery Co Photo

Next, think about whether you will share the same wording or make individual vows to each other. You could create your own vow but tie it together with a sentence at the end that symbolises your union.

Have some quiet time, perhaps going for a long walk on the beach or meditating. Play some music, and think about what you’ve written and how it best reflects your relationship. Often the best words and ideas come to you in the quieter moments.

Write it all down again on clean paper and find a trusted friend who will listen as your read it out loud and give you honest feedback. Sometimes the words that read well on paper sound strange when spoken aloud.

You may like to include poetry in the ceremony or into the vows themselves. Popular choices are How Do I Love Thee by Elizabeth Barrett Browning and the Marriage poem by Mari Nichols-Haining. You can even say these poems to each other together, each of you taking a line at a time.

For the wedding reception, strict tradition dictates that a woman does not speak but in 2005, we have licence to do as we please!

Sandra Deeble in A Girl’s Guide to Etiquette, make the point that the bride should do what she wants to as it’s her day.

‘I find it odd that in this day and age some brides remain mute as they gaze adoringly at their new husbands. But then some brides hate speaking in public at the best of times.’

Similarly, etiquette and public speaking expert Patsy Rowe in her book Public Speaking, says the rules for wedding toasts and speeches are no longer set in concrete.

‘Nowadays, the bride may respond to a toast, instead of her new husband. The chief bridesmaid may also decide to respond on behalf of the other bridesmaids… the mother of the bride may also be the one to toast the couple.’

Patsy recommends speeches be kept to about three minutes each and that the master of ceremonies (MC) should be ready to intervene if they go on too long. The MC should also warn speakers beforehand to be brief and that any jokes should be tasteful.

By all means, speak up. You don’t need to write a lengthy speech on your fiancé, chronicling how you met and how he proposed, but again, it’s your day – so do as you please!

It’s best to show your appreciation to the bridal party and anyone else who helped with the big day, as well as thanking family and friends for attending. Saying a few words about your husband is also a good idea; it doesn’t have to be much, but a quick speech is better than staying silent!

You can use these same tips and examples if you are renewing wedding vows, however you might like to change the wording slightly where appropriate so instead of stating your intent to marry you will speak about continuing to love and cherish each other.

If you are really stuck, ask your celebrant or minister for samples of wedding vows, they should have a stack of ideas for you to browse through, you can choose bits and pieces of various wedding vow ideas to make into your own.

Top tips for calming nerves

• Focus on your loved ones in the audience and speak as if to them personally.
• Don’t panic if your mind goes blank or if you lose your place; just take a sip of water, or smile at your fiancé while you refocus.
• Remember the audience is made up of friends and family who are all on your team! There’s nothing to be nervous about.
• Take a few short breaths just before you start.

There are many different parts to your wedding day that require music. The obvious spring to mind… wedding ceremony music and wedding reception music. We can break this down even further so each part of the ceremony and reception have varying music pieces.

• A processional song for the bridesmaids
• A separate processional song for the bride (if needed)
• Signing the register song (a good idea to have 2 songs in case it takes longer than expected)
• A recessional song
• A song while the bridal party enter the reception
• A first dance song
• A cutting the cake song
• A last dance song
• Pre-ceremony music
• Music for guests while they have canapes/drinks while bridal party away getting photos
• Dinner music
• General dance music

If you’re hiring a DJ or a band then they will be able to help you out with what is good wedding music to be played at each of these times. You will of course have your favorites which you’ll want to include, but don’t forget there will be some form of music playing for the majority of the day, that’s a lot of songs to choose! You may decide to DIY your wedding music and just use an IPOD and some speaker instead of paying a professional, this is perfectly OK, just make sure you have a responsible person on the night looking after the playlist, there is nothing more annoying than drunk people taking over the music so you only get half songs played before they decide they want to listen to something else!

The upside of hiring a professional DJ or band to take care of your wedding music is they can act as your MC if you don’t have one. It’s very useful having someone with a microphone telling people the “housekeeping” rules.

Popular Wedding Songs

• Nothing Compares To You. – Sinead O’Connor
• Close To You. – Maxi Priest
• Power of Love.  - Jennifer Rush
• Love Me Tender.  - Elvis Presley
• I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You.  - Elvis Presley
• Just the Way You Are.  - Billy Joel
• When You Say Nothing At All.  - Ronan Keating
• From This Moment On.  - Shania Twain
• You Made Me Love You.  - Al Jolson
• How Deep Is Your Love.  - Bee Gees

Legal Requirements

There are a number of things which you are required to include in your wedding ceremony for your marriage to be legal.

1. You must have a Registered Marriage Celebrant perform the ceremony.

There was recently a wedding horror story about a couple who had gotten married by their celebrant only to find out a few months later that their celebrant had let her licence lapse, therefore any marriages she had performed since her licence lapsed were not technically legal! How would you feel knowing that you weren’t legally married? Always check your celebrants references and choose a someone reputable.

The good news was after a lengthy battle with the courts the couple were allowed to keep their wedding date and were “legally” declared married over six months after their wedding day.

2. You must have obtained a marriage licence from the registry office prior to your wedding date.

Contact your nearest registry office for information on obtaining a marriage licence. It currently takes three days for your application to be processed so don’t leave it to the last minute! Once you have your marriage licence it is valid for three months.

The marriage licence is signed on your wedding day by the officiating celebrant, the bride, the groom and two witnesses (usually members of the bridal party or close family). There is no age specifications so your witnesses can be your children, just as long as they’re at the age that they can understand what they are witnessing (no very young children). This can be a great way to bond “mixed families”, having a child from a previous marriage be a witness for you.

3. You must hold the wedding ceremony at a specified venue

When you apply for your marriage licence you must stipulate two addresses where your wedding ceremony could take place. The first of these venues is your church, garden or other ceremony venue. The second is usually your wet weather option. Make sure you get the addresses right on your application. If your actual ceremony isn’t at one of the specified addresses you will run into legal issues.

As previously mentioned there are certain things that must be said during your wedding ceremony. The following is a basic format; your celebrant will have suggested words, readings and formats that will assist you to put together your ceremony.

1. Welcome to the guests
2. A Reading or Prayer can be read here
3. Declaration of intent by bride and groom
4. A Reading can be read here
5. Vows
6. Exchange or Giving of Rings
7. Pronouncement
8. Kiss the Bride
9. Signing of the Register
10. Congratulations

There are other things to consider if you are having an outdoor wedding ceremony such as, will your wedding guests be able to hear the bride and groom reciting their vows? You may need to use a microphone and speaker system. Most wedding celebrants usually have a small system which may be including in their fee.

Beach Wedding Ceremony

It’s no surprise that New Zealanders love the beach; we are surrounded by breathtaking bays and spectacular coastlines that provide a backdrop unequalled by any man-made location. So is it any wonder that beach weddings are among some of the most popular themed weddings of all time!

The colours of the land and seascape and the unique geographic formations of its coastline give a beach wedding a distinct New Zealand flavour. The freedom of the great outdoors and the relaxed, informal atmosphere of a beach wedding reflect our way of life, and suit the style and personalities of many Kiwi couples. And even if you don’t choose to have your wedding ceremony at the beach, it’s a great photo location. Include iconic coastlines and recognizable island outlines in your photos to add a touch of Aotearoa to even the most formal of weddings.

If you can’t get to the coast, New Zealand has some of the most beautiful lakes in the world that offer an ideal alternative to a beach wedding. Imagine the crisp, clear water of a lake set against a magnificent mountain backdrop….bliss.

Beach Wedding Ideas

• It’s a good idea to hold your ceremony on a sheltered spot on the beach. Strong winds can be just as uncomfortable as rain, and will carry away the voices of the celebrant, bride and groom. You also don’t want your guests to be staring into bright sunlight or for them to become too hot.
• Think about the accessibility or your spot. Is it easy to get to and does it have sufficient parking? Neither the wedding party nor the guests will want to trek too far or deal with obstacles, such as steep rocks or locked gates. Also, make sure there are toilet facilities nearby.
• Check with the local council if you need a permit to marry at your location of choice, and ask if alcohol is allowed, or if the beach is being used that day.

• Provide seating for guests who may need it, plus a table for signing the register.
• Check the tides. A low tide can leave a residue or smell, and a high tide may bring a rogue wave to dampen your ceremony. An ebb, or outgoing tide is a good choice because the surf is usually quieter as it works it way out.
• A beach breeze is refreshing but can cause havoc to flowers and decorations. Keep everything simple and well anchored!
• If it’s sandfly season think about providing insect repellent for guests. Some extra tubes of sunscreen won’t go astray either!
• Always have a back-up plan. Hire a covered venue for the ceremony just in case the elements aren’t on your side and the beach wedding plans have to be abandoned. The last thing you want is to have your guests running for cover and your carefully curled hair going limp. Your secondary location needs to be near the first so that guests can be easily diverted to the new venue at the last minute.

• You can find loads of ideas for beach wedding invitations which will tie the whole theme together for your guests from the start.
• Your can even have beach wedding favors using shells and sand from your beach wedding location or these funky beach wedding themed wine charms.
• A sand ceremony is a popular thing for brides & grooms to have as part of their wedding, why not use sand from the very beach on which you get married.