He wants his cake and to eat the baker too!

Bridezilla hasn’t a chance, it’s big day his way!

So you think Bridezilla is scary, with her tears and temper tantrums? Just wait till you meet her opposite number: Groomzilla.

He’s bigger, bolder, louder and increasingly, he’s muscling in on territory previously ruled by the bride, her mother and possibly a wedding planner.

“We’re seeing grooms becoming more involved in the wedding plans – everything from choosing the venue down to the minutest details,” says Rob, 38, co-owner of mywedding.com, a leading online wedding guide.

“It’s the rise of Groomzilla”, he says. “We thought it would be fun to find the biggest Groomzilla in the country, so we launched a contest.”

The entries have been flooding in. Some grooms are demanding specific colour schemes, flowers, food and china patterns. Others are vetting the bridesmaids’ dresses – and even the choice of bridesmaids.

One entrant, from David Casselberry, Florida, says he doesn’t see himself as Groomzilla. “I think of myself as a concerned fiance,” says David.

He was entered in the contest by his partner, Bethany, an administrative assistant. The couple plan to marry in November.

“Bethany gave the wedding plans a few shots, but got frustrated. So I embraced the challenge,” says David, 36, owner of Innovative Party Rentals.

“What I do for a living probably has an impact on the demands I have for a perfectly co-ordinated event,” he says. “I do have an attitude, but I don’t think I’m mean.”

Still, he did reduce a prospective photographer to tears. And he became so impatient with the cake designers, he stormed out of the bakery, vowing to bake the wedding cake himself.

As he explains it: “We talked to the bakery people for about 30 minutes, back and forth. Eventually I grabbed paper and pencil, did a sketch, chose some colours, and the cake was designed in 30 seconds.”

Yes he admits, “I ripped them apart. I’m very sorry. But when I’m paying a fee, I expect perfection.”

Had he got married when he was in his early 20s, no way would he have taken charge of arrangements, he says. All he cared about then was “cold beer, hot woment, and sport.” But now, he plans events every day.

“My goal is to make (the wedding) the best event ever.”

Overall, his bride-to-be is grateful for his intervention. She says: “My mum is planning my sister’s wedding in July. She has no time to help me. I quickly became overwhelmed. David could see it, so he took over. He’s hard to deal with, but he gets the job done.”

“He just wants to make it perfect for me and for himself. Basically, everything he’s chosen, I’ve loved. I feel like the luckiest girl. I just have to say, ‘Yeah, I like that’.”

Only the wedding seems to bring out the ‘zilla in him, she says.

Still, she was surprised when her Groomzilla changed the wedding venue and signed a contract with a musician without consulting her. And when he approved only two out of seven of her menu choices. She did select the colours for her bridesmaids’ dresses. But her fiance will have a say in the styles “since he can’t pick the bride’s dress”.

Not that he hasn’t tried. “He takes my brides magazines and crosses out what he doesn’t like. He took me to a bridal show, and when a model walked out in a certain dress, he said, ‘I want you to have that dress’.”

But that’s where Bethany is drawing the line. “I will take into account his likes, but I’m not ruling out my taste. The dress will be my choice,” she says.

Grooms started morphing into Groomzilla about a year ago, says wedding consultant Susan Southerland, of Just Marry!

“I think partially because some brides have busy jobs, other times it’s because the groom wants to keep the budget in line. I also think grooms want to have the day reflect their personality – maybe not with flowers and linens, but certainly with food and music and, oddly enough, cake. That seems to be huge with grooms.”

Rob points out that today’s grooms are older. The average age is 29 in the US.They are used to calling the shots. “And if a guy is paying, he’s going to want to control the outcome,” says Rob. “It’s a new generation getting married. It’s less taboo for a guy to enjoy his wedding. It’s not all about the bride anymore.”

“If it was up to her it’d never get done”

Sydney lawyer Glen, 29, is preparing to walk down the aisle soon. His fiance, 28 year old journalist Katie, also from Sydney, says he is “the biggest groomzilla known to man”.

“He’s been driving me mad with wedding plans and spreadsheets and run sheets and playlists and price checking and trials and everything in between,” she says. “He’s probably organised at least 75 per cent of our wedding.”

Glen doesn’t call himself a Groomzilla, but insists that if it was left up to his fiancee “nothing would get done”.

“Katie would pay whatever price people quoted her,” he says. “From the outset I knew I was going to have to get involved to make sure we didn’t pay ridiculous prices for silly things we didn’t need.”

He says he is an organised person, has kept track of the guest list, the budget, and ensured she was on top of her “bits and pieces” – transport and material for the bridesmaid dresses.

Stop the monster

It’s beautiful when a groom wants to be involved in the wedding plans, say Rob, but if the groom muscles in and takes over, morphing into Groomzilla, here are tips for taming the beast:

• Don’t squelch his enthusiasm, try to control it. Remind him he is half of a couple
• Take the pressure off. Let him know every detail doesn’t have to be perfect. There will be glitches, so go with the flow and enjoy the surprises.
• If a situation with a vendor gets ugly, cut your losses and walk away, but follow up with a polite, handwritten apology. Wedding professionals tend to network, so beware!
• Men are horrible listeners. To make herself heard, the bride needs to catch him in a quiet moment when she has his undivided attention.
• If the bride can’t get through to Groomzilla, have someone else in the wedding party talk him down – the best man, a brother, a parent.
• Draw up a list of all the responsibilities, then divide them among the wedding planners. Give the groom the tasks that are best suited to his interests, expertise and his personality.