Planning Your Second Wedding

For many couples, planning a second (or third) wedding is a lot like planning their first, but with a few key factors that make it much easier. Most remarrying couples know exactly what they want, are more likely to have the budget to do it, and are much more inclined to speak their mind. However, on the flipside, some may find their situation complicated by ex-spouses, stepchildren and the expectations of their never-wed partners.

Wellington-based celebrant Lizzy officiated at 85 weddings in 2009 and is well on her way to topping that figure this year. She estimates that about 30% of the weddings she performs each year are second-time weddings, which reflects the national figure of 36% – a number that has remained stable for the past decade. Figures from Statistics New Zealand show that in 2009 the number of remarriages was 7500 out of a total of 21,000 registered marriages. By comparison, 4400 marriages (16%) in 1971 involved remarriage of one or both partners.

In addition to officiating at many second-time marriages, Lizzy recently got married for the second time herself. While her first wedding was comparatively casual, she says her second was even more informal and comfortable.

‘The first time, I got married at my parents’ house and I wore white,’ she says. ‘The second time, I married in black. Even though my first wedding was casual and informal, the second time around you have that freedom to indulge what you want and you’re really doing it for yourselves.’

When she married again, Lizzy and Tom – her partner of 13 years invited very close family members (their adult daughters, siblings and parents), and all her dearest friends.

‘We had one rule,’ she says. ‘Everyone who was invited was part of our future, as well as our past. It was so relaxed and comfortable. The room was so full of love.’

It’s a sentiment shared by many couples marrying for the second time. Where, at their first wedding, they felt obliged to do things a certain way, inviting great aunts and uncles, and business associates of their parents they barely knew, the second time around, the celebration is usually a much more intimate one. Couples marrying again are generally more mature, both in years and outlook, and Lizzy says that the vast majority know what’s important to them now.

As a celebrant, Lizzy has seen hundreds of weddings and she intentionally set out to make hers different from them all.

‘I had 28 flower girls – the youngest was 42 and the oldest 63 – and I gave each of them one red gerbera to hold. I walked in with my daughter.’

Her advice to second-timers is simple;

‘Do what you want, always. If there are any wishes you’d love to indulge, just do it. And, most of all, have fun.’