Planning your Wedding Reception Style

A reception can be as grand or as informal as you wish but, to a degree, it will depend on the style of your wedding ceremony. There are many different kinds of reception: large, small, formal, semi-formal, informal, stand-up or seated. How much you can or want to spend on your wedding reception is the biggest deciding factor. Take a long, hard look at the cost of the reception you are planning, then add 10% and see if you can afford it. Don’t overstretch your finances at this point.

The reception

After determining the style of reception, decide on an appropriate venue, such as a hotel, restaurant, hall or function centre, at home, in a marquee, or on board a boat. Take the following into account: budget, theme, number of guests, proximity to the ceremony venue, alcohol licence, time of day, type of food and entertainment requirements. You also need to decide if you will have the reception fully catered for or partially catered for. Remember two things when you are planning your reception. First, receptions are the single biggest expense for a wedding, so it is never too early to start planning. Second, keep in mind it’s the gathering of your family and friends that makes your reception special.

As a general rule (traditional)

• Late morning weddings are followed by a formal seated meal or buffet.
• A church ceremony in the early afternoon is nearly always followed by a stand-up buffet.
• A ceremony late in the day – at 4.30 or 5 o’clock – can be followed by drinks, with a seated dinner and dance later in the evening.
• A hotel, restaurant or professional caterer can arrange everything for you.
• To seat guests with the least fuss, place cards are essential
• Seating plans should be given careful consideration, as guests cannot mingle easily once seated. You want people to talk to each other and feel comfortable, so seat those with similar interests and of similar ages together.
• Have a floor plan somewhere near the entrance to the reception or hand out cards with their table number to guests as they arrive.

At the reception

Most newlyweds hold their wedding reception at a function centre, hotel, restaurant, rented hall or private home. Outdoor receptions with marquees are another alternative if you have a big lawn. Sometimes a hotel, park or vineyard might permit you to erect a marquee on its grounds. Or for something different, consider a boat, historic home or even a barn.

While the wedding party are having their photographs taken, the Master of Ceremonies – this can be a friend or relative with good organizational and improvisational skills – asks the guests to proceed to the reception venue, preferably in convoy to assist guests from out of town. Parents of the bride and groom (or whoever is hosting the reception) greet guests as they arrive. If the bridal party is not away having photographs taken, the traditional receiving line to greet guests would be: the bride’s parents, groom’s parents, then the bride, the groom and attendants. While the guests mingle they are offered hors d’oeuvres and champagne, wine, ape’fitifs or non-alcoholic drinks. When the wedding party arrives, the Master of Ceremonies asks the guests to stand and the wedding party is escorted to their table. The guests may then be seated.

Top-table seating

Traditional seating for the top table is, from left to right: chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, best man. Other members of the party, including step-parents of the bride or groom, are added to each end, according to the same plan – men alternating with women, the two families nicely mixed. Another suggested seating is to have a top table for the wedding party with a table directly in front for the parents of both the bride and groom, close family and friends of the parents and any distinguished guests, such as the minister.

Master of ceremonies

The MC is an important supporting role in your wedding celebrations. Although various people give speeches at the reception, it is the MC who effectively acts as a ring master, warming up the crowd, controlling the order of events and keeping things running smoothly. The MC’s duties can include making any last minute announcements after the ceremony, assisting with the photographs, asking the guests to stand for the arrival of the wedding party, informing guests of the format for the evening, and introduce the speaker for the speeches.

When choosing your MC, you should look for someone who is comfortable and confident speaking in public. A sense of humour is a great advantage as this will put people at ease and establish a relaxed tone for the evening. If possible, choose someone many of the guests and wedding party already know.

Speeches

Speeches are traditional, but by no means obligatory. A good speechmaker can by very entertaining, but for those not experienced or confident in public speaking, speeches should be brief, sincere and to the point.

Generally, the speeches take place at the start of the reception, either before the meal begins or between the entr’ee and main course. This leaves those making a speech free to enjoy the rest of the reception.

• The first to speak is the bride’s father (or close friend or relative of the bride’s family). At the conclusion of this speech, a toast is proposed to the couple’s health.
• The groom replies, thanking the first speaker then the guests for their attendance. He expresses his appreciation to the bride’s parents for their input into the wedding and compliments their daughter. Then he pays tribute to his own parents and rounds off by proposing a toast to the attendants.
• If the bride chooses to speak it would be appropriate for her to do so at this point. As this will be just prior to the best man’s response, to keep procedure flowing smoothly, we suggest the bride starts with ‘Just before we hear from our best man. I’d like to say a few works…’ or something similar.

• The best man’s official duty is to reply on behalf of the attendants. If he is confident speaking, he may be less formal, keeping his topics appropriate to the range and age of the guests. He can finish the speeches by reading telegrams and faxes, and should mention how lovely the bridesmaids look.

There may also be toasts to the bride’s parents to which the father of the bride responds; and a toast to the health of the groom’s parents, to which the groom’s father will respond, these will precede any reading of the telegrams (or emails).

Telegrams

Telegrams, or more recently emails, are a time-honoured tradition for relatives and friends who can’t be at the wedding in person, or for those present who wish to add their touch of humour to the speeches. If time does not permit the reading of all the telegrams, read some of the more noteworthy ones and mention the names of the others who sent messages in recognition of their effort. An alternative or addition to reading all the telegrams is to display them somewhere prominent, perhaps a foyer. Wedding messages are often delivered early in the morning so it is preferable to have a domestic address for delivery, as reception centres are frequently closed. Telegrams in New Zealand are now handled by private companies (check the Yellow Pages for listing). They can deliver on Saturday morning to main centres; check with them for delivery in rural areas.

Food and drink

When everyone is seated, the bridal table is served first. At a buffet or smorgasbord the guests will serve themselves, but the top table will always have separate service so that members of the bridal party need not leave their seats. Champagne is the traditional wedding drink, but a welcoming glass of sherry or an ap’eritif followed by wine with the meal and then champagne or sparkling wine for the toasts is acceptable.

Cutting the cake

No reception is complete without a wedding cake. Traditionally it is a rich fruit cake with two, three or even four tiers, iced and decorated. Sometimes the top tier is kept for the christening of the first child – in which case it must be a fruit cake or it will not keep. Otherwise, there is no reason why you should not choose any flavour or type you prefer. The cake should be well displayed during the reception, either on a special table decorated with flowers or in pride of place on the top table, and should receive its first cut from the bride and groom after the meal. The rest of the cake is then cut up and served to the guests, usually by the bridesmaids. If you wish to send portions of the cake to friends and relations who were unable to attend the wedding, order cake envelopes or boxes and make sure the cake is cut to fit.

Music and dancing

At the reception your choices are virtually unlimited – you can have a jazz band, a DJ, a covers band, a classical guitarist, a string quartet. When booking a live band, it always helps if you hear a CD or tape of their music first, or better still see them in action at a public performance. If you are considering a DJ, ask to see a list of the music they play. If you have any special songs you would like to hear, tell them well before the day and most professional bands and DJs will try to accommodate your requests.

In choosing your music, give consideration to the age differences among your guests. More people will have a good time if you cater to majority tastes. Remember: loudest is not necessarily best, as many of your relatives and friends will be busy catching up with each other and will have to strain to be heard above loud music.

A good band or DJ will judge the mood and pace of the evening and will probably liven up as the evening wears on. It may be best to start off conservatively with a wide-appeal selection and then towards the end of the evening, put on some louder dance music. In situations where amplified music might not be so convenient, perhaps out of doors with no access to a power source, consider hiring an acoustic or jazz band, or a small orchestra for a classic formal wedding. The first dance is a tradition that’s still going strong. For some couples the traditional bridal waltz has lost its appeal. Many are instead opting for something more modern, romantic and personal. If you wish to take lessons, two to four months is enough time to learn a simple dance. Choose a song that’s easy to dance to, not too long and that preferably has a four beat, then find a teacher in your area.

Departures

Generally the guests will not leave the reception before the bride and groom, so the newlyweds should consider others when timing their departure. If they intend to party on they should make an announcement that guests are free to leave when they wish. The last ritual is for bride to throw her bouquet to the female guests, the lucky catcher being the next bride, according to folklore. With the departure of the bride and groom, the wedding reception is now officially over and guests may leave. But the party can go on as long as drinks hold out, or the arrangement with the reception venue allows.

Finale

The last official act, according to traditional etiquette, is a delivery of flowers from the groom to the bride’s mother, the day after the wedding. The florist will take care of this by previous arrangement. Seeing to this is the best man’s final duty.