How do you pick the right reception venue for you? Put them to the test with our guide.

Costs

Decide on your theme and guest list before you even contemplate viewing any venues in person. This will also help determine your bottom line. There’s no point wasting your Saturday morning visiting a cavernous function centre which can seat 300 if you’re planning on an intimate day with just 60 of your best-loved family and friends.

Questions to ask:

• How much does the venue charge per person?
• Does it fit within your budget?
• Are any months or days of the year cheaper?
• Are special rates offered for daytime receptions?
• Is a tailored wedding package offered? If so, what does it include?
• Are substitutes within the package permissible?
• What deposit is required to secure the venue?
• How often do payments need to be made, and in what form?
• What is the venue’s cancellation policy?
• What are the penalties involved if the reception runs overtime unexpectedly?
• Is it possible to extend the standard reception hours? If so, what are the charges?
• What is the total cost estimate?

Atmosphere

When chosen correctly, the right wedding venue can complement the style of your wedding beautifully. For a romantic theme, consider a ceremony in the rotunda, followed by a buffet garden lunch. Or for a distinctly formal edge, perhaps try a three-course dinner followed by dancing in a fancy hotel ballroom.

Questions to ask:

• Does the venue lend itself to your theme?
• Does it fit your desired format (eg, sit-down dinner, cocktail party)?
• Will the space comfortably accommodate your number of guests?
• If you’re planning an outdoor ceremony and it ends up raining, is there an attractive, alternative indoor space available?
• What is the lighting and atmosphere like at the time you’re planning to hold your wedding? (It’s best to go and see the venue then.)
• Is a dressing room provided for the bridal party?
• Sum up the venue’s atmosphere in one word.

Guests

Make sure your guests will be comfortable and consider any special needs they may have. For example, cocktail parties can be great fun for guests of all ages, but oldies probably won’t be able to stay on their feet all night. Ensure their comfort isn’t overlooked by having chairs set up for them away from the boom of the music.

Questions to ask:

• How many tables can be set up in the room without it feeling too crowded (or too empty)?
• How many guests can comfortably be seated at each table?
• Will the dance floor be big enough to accommodate all your guests?
• Are there adequate toilet facilities for the number of guests?
• Is wheelchair access provided for guests who may require it?
• Is there an outdoor smoking area?
• What sort of parking is available?

Alcohol

The type of alcohol package you choose can make a huge difference to your final bill. Consider the drinking habits of your guests before you make this decision. If your fiancés mates are likely to down one handle after another from 6pm to midnight, you may be best to choose a cost-per-head package for a certain number of hours. If your crowd is more likely to savour a few glasses of quality wine each, a cost-per-bottle-consumed may make more sense.

Questions to ask:

• Does alcohol form part of the reception package? If so, what is included?
• Does the venue offer an open bar (including spirits) and at what cost?
• Can you bring your own alcohol in to the venue? (It’s cheaper) If so, what is allowed?
• Which brands/labels of beer and wine are offered, and is any brand substitution allowed?
• Is it possible to serve each guest a special welcome drink on arrival (like a fruity cocktail)?

Food

The meal served at a wedding will add to the experience, so whether you’re thinking buffet or banquet, take a good look at the menus on offer before picking your venue. If the meal is especially important to you, ask if a tasting is possible. And if you’re choosing a cocktail menu, ask how many pieces of each canapé will be provided for each guest – you don’t want people going hungry!

Questions to ask:

• What sort of cuisine and menu choices are offered by the venue?
• Can guests choose from the menu, or will it be an alternate service?
• Are any deviations from the menu permitted?
• Are vegetarian/dietary options available?
• Do they offer a tasting of the menu, and is it complimentary or an additional cost?
• Do you have to use one of their preferred caterers, or can you bring in your own?
• Is there a special rate for children’s and suppliers meals (eg, the band)?
• Can you substitute their dessert offering with your wedding cake?
• If the cake is provided as the part of the package, is there a cost if you bring in your own?
• Will the venue provide printed menus, or will you need to organise these yourself?

Music

The wedding music you choose should help to enhance the atmosphere. You may choose a variety of musicians to suit the different stages of the event – harpist as guests arrive for canapés, followed by a DJ playing subtle ballads during dinner, before upping the vibe for dancing. Ask the venue manager about technical details, like whether there’s adequate power.

Questions to ask:

• Is there room for a band or DJ, plus all their instruments and equipment?
• What equipment is provided for musicians (eg, power for a DJ’s speakers, space for your band to do dance routine as they sing)?
• Can you play your own music or bring your own entertainment?
• Are there any restrictions, such as a time when music must be turned off, or the use of smoke machines?
• Does the venue provide a dance floor, and if so, is this an additional cost?

Staff

This aspect is often overlooked, but supportive, professional staff can make all the difference when it comes to making your reception run smoothly. Not only do you want a reliable, organised, experienced wedding coordinator to run the show, but also competent wait staff who are knowledgeable about the food and wine they are serving, and are happy to help your guests with their individual needs.

Questions to ask:

• Does the venue have an in-house wedding coordinator? (Be sure to meet with them early on.)
• Will the coordinator be there in person to help run the event?
• Does the coordinator make you feel completely at ease and confident?
• Is the coordinator organised and prompt to respond to your emails or phone calls?
• Is the coordinator open to accommodating your individual needs and requests?
• What will the ratio be of serving staff to guests on the night?

Noise

Another event taking place at the same time as yours (such as in an adjacent room) can impact heavily on your reception. If you’re considering a venue with multiple rooms for hire, ask if they are likely to be in use on your wedding night, and whether they are sound-proof. You don’t want your wedding to be impacted if the next-door function asks for your music to be turned down during their speeches.

Questions to ask:

• Will you have exclusive use of the venue or will you be sharing it?
• Is it possible to hear noise from other events within the venue?
• By what time do you and your guests have to leave the premises?
• Are there any noise restrictions in and around the venue?

Distance

Remember, the shorter the distance between your ceremony and reception, the cheaper the car hire and the longer time you’ll have for photography. You’ll also need to consider logistics, such as how easy it will be for your guests to get from location A to B. This can impact on the starting time for your drinks – you don’t want half your guests to miss your grand entrance because they’re still in transit!

Questions to ask:

• How far away from the ceremony is the venue?
• Is the venue difficult for guests to get to?
• If the venue provides a getaway car as part of the package, how far will it take you?
• What parking is available at the venue itself, and do guests need to pay for it?
• If you charter a bus for your guests, is there somewhere for it to park while everyone alights?
• Will the venue order taxis for departing guests who haven’t driven?

What started as a first date is now heading towards the perfect wedding – and you know that the big day is fast approaching and you and your finance are organized and focused on details for the ceremony and reception. But you are always looking for ways to make your wedding absolutely beautiful and totally one-of-a-kind, so perhaps you will appreciate the following trouble-free ways to add an even more distinctive touch to your picture perfect wedding day:

• There is nothing more personal than your wedding vows. You and your fiancé should leave nothing to chance. Compose your own wedding vows. The words will be right if they are individually created and come from the heart. Write them down and practice reciting the vows so that on the “big day” you can speak from the heart and not a piece of paper.

• During the reception, it is all about the music. Find the songs that have personal meaning to you, your fiancé, and the relationship that has led to the two of you getting married. Sit down and put together a CD with all these special songs to play during your reception. This CD can also be given to your guests as a keepsake. You can personalize the gift to your guests by accompanying the CD with a note explaining the choice of songs.

• When it comes time to tossing the bouquet, make the tradition unique and present all would-be catchers with a small daisy of their very own. This makes everybody
  
  photo credit: vmiramontes

  happy and hopeful that they are next in line for wedded bliss.

• Weddings and receptions can be interactive and fun for your guests. Place canvases around the reception hall with permanent markers so that your guests can create a unique piece of diary art for you and your husband. On each table, have disposable cameras so they can add their own perspective through photographs. They will definitely catch moments that your professional photographer will certainly miss.

• There will be nothing more important or more listened to at your wedding than your first toast as husband and wife. Make your first toast memorable with personalized champagne flutes. You can bring them out every anniversary for a toast to another year of of married paradise.

• Undoubtedly, there will be a loved one that has passed and can only be there in spirit for your special day. Don’t let their memory fade. You can pay tribute to them by dedicating your first dance in their remembrance or a special toast in their honor.

• Weddings are about new beginnings created from past generations. Do you have something special from your grandmother that you could wear or carry? Did your mother give a piece of jewelry that means the world to you? Include the heirlooms and honor your family as you begin your new life.

• Audio-video presentations are becoming a vital part of the wedding receptions. These can be as simple as childhood photos of you and your husband or a full blown video. The goal is to create a moment of reflection for you, your husband and your guests. Don’t be surprised if you see a few tears!

• Guests love wedding favors, so how about presenting your guests with an engraved champagne glass with your names and the date of the wedding? Include a note and ask your guest to toast your wedding anniversary in the years to come, for luck and good fortune.

Use these distinctive ideas to create dream wedding come true so that you can indeed remember it as the picture perfect day when you look through the photographs in years to come.

Spend your wedding celebrating your love and future happiness, not worrying about the cost.

A wedding budget planner helps determine your wedding priorities by detailing every cost from the invites to the honeymoon. But as every bride is different, so is her wedding budget. Even the most organised bride will find more expenses than she bargained for, adding as much as an extra 10 per cent to the total wedding budget. So it pays to prioritise your costs from the start. You and your fiancé will need to be realistic and focused when determining where you most need to save and where you can splurge.

Doing it yourself may help save money in areas while adding a personal touch. For instance, you can create your own invitations with a computer, printer and some creative flair. Bulk-buy ribbons and paper then deliver those you can by hand. This way you avoid any hidden material, design and postage costs.

Another do-it-yourself tip is to choose a reception venue where you can supply the drinks. Purchase the amount you will need during sales. You will avoid paying corkage and mark-up fees. And you can bring unfinished bottles home.

Burn your own CDs or play your iPod on the venue’s sound system rather than pay for a band. Nominate a friend to keep an eye on the tunes who can change the song order if you are suddenly inspired to switch the mood on the dance floor.

Make your own wedding cake or create small cupcakes instead. Cupcakes are easy to make and can double as dessert and name-card holders. This helps you avoid spending extra on layers of cake that might not get eaten.

Spend smart simply by marrying and celebrating at the same wedding venues. Keep in mind that getting married in a church can have many hidden costs. For example, you’ll need to decorate the church with flowers and candles, possibly donate money to the church and design wedding programmes for you guests.

Having one wedding venue also saves transportation costs. The wedding car rental company and driver usually charge by the hour. You may be able to make two trips in the same car or hire a bigger car rather than a few separate vehicles. Your might even have a friend (or friend of a friend) who owns a perfect car that you can borrow for the day.

While opting for a couture gown may be more expensive than buying off the rack, keep in mind you may need to make alterations and buy your veil separately. Why not decide on purchasing your bridesmaid gowns from the same shop if possible? Dress designers may give you a discount if they make all the wedding party’s gowns. Leftover material can be used for the groomsmen’s’ ties and flower girl’s dress.

Ultimately, your wedding budget is a work in progress. Don’t stress if you spend more or less than you had hoped. Keep a tally of each cost to minimise surprises down the track. It’s natural that you may pay a bit more than originally anticipated. If you overspend in one area, try cutting back in another.

Remember what is most important – you have shared a special day with those you love and who love you. All the money in the world can’t buy that.

Wedding Ideas on a Budget

• Email your save-the-dates to save on paper and postage
• Decorate your cake with fresh flowers instead of intricate icing.
• Use our bouquets as the floral decoration for your bridal table.
• Consider marrying during the week. There is more room to negotiate deals for a wedding day other than Saturday.
• Consider how long your reception will be – every hour adds up.
• Expect dress alteration costs if you buy off the rack.
• Make your beaded jewellery to match your colour theme and gowns.
• Remember, the larger your bridal party, the greater the cost – for gowns, gifts and accessories.

As you’ll probably spend at least 40% of your total wedding budget on your wedding reception, advance research and planning is vital to avoid a major budget blow-out. The overall price you can expect to pay for catering will depend on the menu you select, food preparation, the equipment required and the number of staff you’ll need.

Comparing the cost of wedding venues and different catering options can be confusing and time consuming as the packages venues offer vary considerably. Some include everything, while others have separate room-hire costs and, in the case of hiring a marquee, everything is itemized down to the last chair and spoon.

Most often, the decision you make comes down to your budget. To help you work out what that is, first establish the maximum amount you want to spend on your wedding  reception. Then, work out the total all-inclusive figure you can spend per head. For example, if you have $8,000 to spend on a reception with 90 guests, you’ll be spending around $88 per head.

Next, compare wedding packages. The easiest way is to add up all the costs involved. Factor in everything, including the average menu price, all beverages and corkage costs, plus venue-hire fees and furniture. For marquee weddings, also include toilets, lighting and flooring, crockery, cutlery and linen hire, and anything else. Now divide each final figure by your total number of guests and you’ll have your cost per head. Then, you will be able to tell whether you can afford that package.

There are various ways of cutting costs, if you need to. For example, go for cheaper ingredients, such as chicken instead of seafood, or change the menu options, say from a set menu to a buffet, if it works out to be less expensive. Have your wedding reception as a less costly breakfast rather than a dinner, or hold your wedding on a weekday, instead of the more popular weekend. Just remember to consider all your options carefully before booking a wedding venue and paying out a deposit.

Wedding preparations are not easy. Aside from having to spend thousands of dollars, the planning stage is the most critical. You will only have to go through this very special day once so you would want everything to be perfect.

The unity candle symbolizes the coming together of two people to unite as one. According to tradition, originally there will be three candles needed in this ritual. One candle will be for the groom, the second for the bride, and their lighted candles will light the third candle as a gesture of having a life together. But there had been a few modifications made already, depending on the families celebrating the union. There are some, wherein instead of having the bride and the groom do the act, it can be their mothers or any member of the family.

If you have a short list of guests you can give each of them an unlit candle as soon as they arrive at the ceremony. You can ask your guests to move to the front, as soon as the couple has lighted their unity candle, so that they can light theirs as well. This gesture is not made to gather participation from the audience, rather than to symbolize the union of family and friends into the marriage. However, this will not be advisable for those who have a long list of guests as it will take much of the time. On top of that, the venue can get so crowded with everyone moving around going to the front.

Another innovation would be to bring the unity candle to the wedding reception instead of having it at the wedding ceremony itself. One option is to place votive candle holders at the tables for each guest. Then the unity candle must be lighted and placed at the entrance to the reception hall. Each guest will be given a candle to be lighted with the unity candle and placed in each of their votive candle holders.

One other idea as well is to just incorporate the unity candle lighting into the activities of the reception. The bride and groom can choose a quiet moment like before dinner after the invocation, or before the slicing of the cake. The unity candle can serve as decoration for the cake, and then after the couple cut it they can serve it to the guests. This gesture would signify the guests as taking part of the bond of the bride and groom.

But then again, having the unity candle is not mandatory. What is important is how one would make the celebration a momentous and memorable one.

The wedding party normally refers to a party held two to three months before the wedding day. It is similar to the wedding reception in that it is a happy and merry occasion, but this party is normally held with fewer guests compared to the reception. Those invited are normally close friends and relatives of the couple and can be held and hosted by anyone willing to. Like wedding receptions, it is a good idea to give out tokens of appreciation to the guests attending to show that the guests’ presences on that day are valued by the couple. It is one thing to say thank you and another to give physical tokens that will last forever.

These wedding party gifts can be anything. They do not have to be expensive nor do they have to be cheap. It is best to stay in the middle so to speak and give out tokens which come from the heart and are still light on the pocket. They could be wine glasses that have the couple’s names engraved on it together with the date and time of the wedding.

Or they can be photograph containing the picture of the couple in a sweet but appropriate position. Whatever it is, the important thing is the guests feel valued and appreciated with these gifts.

Other items that can be given out are wedding party shirts. These are not normal shirts that can be simply bought from the store, but these are customized shirts that take time to have someone design and create them. These shirts can have the picture of the couple, or they could simply contain text stating when the wedding will take place. Anything can be on the shirts as longs as it is in some way related to the wedding event at hand.

These are some sample gifts ideas on what kind of things can be given out at the party. It doesn’t matter if the gift suggestions above are followed or not, but what matters is each guest receives one before they go home from the party, as this shows class.

Once the wedding ceremony is over, it’s time to eat, drink and be merry! To make your wedding reception dinner an occasion you and your guests will remember forever, follow our step-by-step guide to choosing the ideal wedding catering and menu options to suit the style and budget of your wedding.

The time has come to book your wedding reception venue, but before you make a final decision, have you thought through your specific needs and preferences? All it takes is a little research to make the best choice of reception venue and wedding catering services, plus avoid any unpleasant surprises along the way. To help you out, here’s the low-down on catering and menu options.

Catering to your style

First things first, your choice of venue will determine whether or not you need to hire an off-site catering firm. Most hotels, function and reception venues provide in-house wedding caterers. But, if you’re keen to use a marquee, hall, garden or private home, you will usually have to arrange a wedding caterer yourself.

Staying in-house

The main advantage of choosing a wedding venue with in-house caterers is that it is often the easiest and least time consuming option. Most venues provide standard wedding packages that include the wedding catering menus and beverages, although some may offer a more comprehensive package that also covers venue hire, a wedding cake, table flowers, decorations and accommodation for the bride and groom.

Often, the package will include an wedding coordinator who can help you with your wedding planning decisions and coordinate the reception, but be aware that they will only work on your reception and not get involved in any of the other aspects of your wedding, such as the wedding outfits.

Consider in-house wedding catering if you:

• Have limited time available to research and plan.
• Are unsure about what you want and would prefer not to make too many decisions, leaving most in the hands of the venue’s wedding coordinator
• Have asked a friend or family member to plan and coordinate your wedding for you.
• Are organizing your wedding long distance.

Think twice if you:

• Are very particular about food and wine preferences, plus settings, linen, glassware, cutlery and other specific details you want.
• Wish to have a very strong theme for your wedding, eg. A medieval banquet.
• Have family or friends wanting to provide specific foods for your wedding, eg. Meat from a family farm or seafood caught by a friend.
• Have a number of guests with particular religious or dietary requirements.

Going off-site

Bringing in the wedding caterers can seem a little daunting, but a reputable company will provide the same service as on-site caterers. Plus, as you can choose the individual elements, this option will also give you the opportunity to have a completely unique wedding.

Most caterers have wedding menu packages to work from, however these tend to be flexible. In addition to food and beverages, many caterers provide a full range of services, including floral arranging, linen hire, furniture hire, crockery, cutlery and glassware.

Some venues may even supply you with a list of preferred wedding caterers. Choosing one of these could simplify the process further, as they will have experience of the venue, know the facilities and will often work directly with the venue to make arrangements.

Consider off-site catering if you:

• Have up to a year before your wedding, or plenty of spare time for planning.
• Love the idea of being involved in every decision, right down to the style of cutlery.
• Want to supply any of the food yourself.
• Plan to have a particularly unique wedding.

Think twice if you:

• Are on a tight budget and need to keep costs down.
• Have limited time to plan and research.
• Are using a venue with no kitchen facilities or running water available.
• Don’t have lots of friends and family who are keen to help you set up and pack down.

Do-it-yourself

For some couples, family and friends may be able to do the catering for the wedding. Although this is by far the cheapest option, costs for hiring cutlery and crockery can add up very quickly. Great planning is, therefore, the key to self-catered functions. In this instance, it may be worth investing in a meeting with a wedding planner to discuss the quantity of food and beverages you will require and the easiest way to coordinate the food on the day.

Consider DIY if you:

• Have a small number of guests, ie less than 50
• Are on a tight budget.
• Have full confidence in the chef’s ability.
• Know what your guests eat and how much.

Think twice if you:

• Don’t have the time and energy for hands-on organization.
• Are without the facilities available to cater for a large group.
• Don’t have the support of family and friends to help out.
• Would rather have a more formal, less low-key wedding.

A reception can be as grand or as informal as you wish but, to a degree, it will depend on the style of your wedding ceremony. There are many different kinds of reception: large, small, formal, semi-formal, informal, stand-up or seated. How much you can or want to spend on your wedding reception is the biggest deciding factor. Take a long, hard look at the cost of the reception you are planning, then add 10% and see if you can afford it. Don’t overstretch your finances at this point.

The level of formality will be reflected in every detail of the wedding, starting with the wording and presentation of the invitations, through to dress standards and the order of events at the reception.

Formal

Formal receptions mostly follow a standard format of guests arriving ahead of the wedding party and bride and groom (who may be formally introduced, perhaps with a receiving line). A series of formal speeches follows, along with the cutting of the cake and the bride and groom’s first dance. Formal receptions usually include a sit-down catered meal and are often held at purpose-built function and catering venues at clubs, hotels, resorts, golf courses, wineries or restaurants.

While more formal receptions often include details such as seating plans and place-name cards, most large venues usually have a dedicated events coordinator who can be extremely helpful in checking off all the details.

Vanessa and Steven Wong had over 300 guests at their wedding and reception, which was held at a large hotel in Wellington. ‘The wedding coordinator at the hotel was so helpful,’ Vanessa says. ‘She really listened to what we wanted, which was good because I was organizing it from London. She was very flexible and allowed us to semi-personalise the look of the reception and alter the menu to include dishes such as roast port, which is a traditional dish at Chinese weddings,’

Less formal

At less formal receptions, such as in a private garden, you won’t necessarily have an event coordinator to provide backup and checklists, but you can have more flexibility in the arrangements. For example, even if you hire a caterer you can often supply the alcohol, giving you a wider choice of beverages along with cost savings.

Of course, casual receptions don’t require many of the trimmings of a formal affair. Murray and Janine Ansell were married at Whangamata in January. They organized their reception a few weeks in advance by booking the restaurant at the Whangamata Club. Guests came dressed in whatever was comfortable, including shorts and t-shirts, and the 40 adults and several children enjoyed (and highly praised) the regular Saturday night buffet from the club’s kitchen. Janine ordered a big chocolate cake two weeks in advance, and the flowers were ordered on the day. Surrounded by family and friends, in the atmosphere the couple wanted, it was a perfect and memorable reception.

The reception

After determining the style of reception, decide on an appropriate venue, such as a hotel, restaurant, hall or function centre, at home, in a marquee, or on board a boat. Take the following into account: budget, theme, number of guests, proximity to the ceremony venue, alcohol licence, time of day, type of food and entertainment requirements. You also need to decide if you will have the reception fully catered for or partially catered for. Remember two things when you are planning your reception. First, receptions are the single biggest expense for a wedding, so it is never too early to start wedding planning. Second, keep in mind it’s the gathering of your family and friends that makes your reception special.

As a general rule (traditional)

• Late morning weddings are followed by a formal seated meal or buffet.
• A church ceremony in the early afternoon is nearly always followed by a stand-up buffet.
• A ceremony late in the day – at 4.30 or 5 o’clock – can be followed by drinks, with a seated dinner and dance later in the evening.
• A hotel, restaurant or professional caterer can arrange everything for you.
• To seat guests with the least fuss, place cards are essential
• Seating plans should be given careful consideration, as guests cannot mingle easily once seated. You want people to talk to each other and feel comfortable, so seat those with similar interests and of similar ages together.
• Have a floor plan somewhere near the entrance to the reception or hand out cards with their table number to guests as they arrive.

At the reception

Most newlyweds hold their wedding reception at a function centre, hotel, restaurant, rented hall or private home. Outdoor receptions with marquees are another alternative if you have a big lawn. Sometimes a hotel, park or vineyard might permit you to erect a marquee on its grounds. Or for something different, consider a boat, historic home or even a barn.

While the wedding party are having their photographs taken, the Master of Ceremonies – this can be a friend or relative with good organizational and improvisational skills – asks the guests to proceed to the reception venue, preferably in convoy to assist guests from out of town. Parents of the bride and groom (or whoever is hosting the reception) greet guests as they arrive. If the bridal party is not away having photographs taken, the traditional receiving line to greet guests would be: the bride’s parents, groom’s parents, then the bride, the groom and attendants. While the guests mingle they are offered hors d’oeuvres and champagne, wine, ape’fitifs or non-alcoholic drinks. When the wedding party arrives, the Master of Ceremonies asks the guests to stand and the wedding party is escorted to their table. The guests may then be seated.

Top-table seating

Traditional seating for the top table is, from left to right: chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, best man. Other members of the party, including step-parents of the bride or groom, are added to each end, according to the same plan – men alternating with women, the two families nicely mixed. Another suggested seating is to have a top table for the wedding party with a table directly in front for the parents of both the bride and groom, close family and friends of the parents and any distinguished guests, such as the minister.

Master of ceremonies

The MC is an important supporting role in your wedding celebrations. Although various people give speeches at the reception, it is the MC who effectively acts as a ring master, warming up the crowd, controlling the order of events and keeping things running smoothly. The MC’s duties can include making any last minute announcements after the ceremony, assisting with the photographs, asking the guests to stand for the arrival of the wedding party, informing guests of the format for the evening, and introduce the speaker for the speeches.

When choosing your MC, you should look for someone who is comfortable and confident speaking in public. A sense of humour is a great advantage as this will put people at ease and establish a relaxed tone for the evening. If possible, choose someone many of the guests and wedding party already know.

Speeches

Speeches are traditional, but by no means obligatory. A good speechmaker can by very entertaining, but for those not experienced or confident in public speaking, speeches should be brief, sincere and to the point.

Generally, the speeches take place at the start of the reception, either before the meal begins or between the entr’ee and main course. This leaves those making a speech free to enjoy the rest of the reception.

• The first to speak is the bride’s father (or close friend or relative of the bride’s family). At the conclusion of this speech, a toast is proposed to the couple’s health.
• The groom replies, thanking the first speaker then the guests for their attendance. He expresses his appreciation to the bride’s parents for their input into the wedding and compliments their daughter. Then he pays tribute to his own parents and rounds off by proposing a toast to the attendants.
• If the bride chooses to speak it would be appropriate for her to do so at this point. As this will be just prior to the best man’s response, to keep procedure flowing smoothly, we suggest the bride starts with ‘Just before we hear from our best man. I’d like to say a few works…’ or something similar.
• The best man’s official duty is to reply on behalf of the attendants. If he is confident speaking, he may be less formal, keeping his topics appropriate to the range and age of the guests. He can finish the speeches by reading telegrams and faxes, and should mention how lovely the bridesmaids look.

There may also be toasts to the bride’s parents to which the father of the bride responds; and a toast to the health of the groom’s parents, to which the groom’s father will respond, these will precede any reading of the telegrams (or emails).

Telegrams

Telegrams, or more recently emails, are a time-honoured tradition for relatives and friends who can’t be at the wedding in person, or for those present who wish to add their touch of humour to the speeches. If time does not permit the reading of all the telegrams, read some of the more noteworthy ones and mention the names of the others who sent messages in recognition of their effort. An alternative or addition to reading all the telegrams is to display them somewhere prominent, perhaps a foyer. Wedding messages are often delivered early in the morning so it is preferable to have a domestic address for delivery, as reception centres are frequently closed. Telegrams in New Zealand are now handled by private companies (check the Yellow Pages for listing). They can deliver on Saturday morning to main centres; check with them for delivery in rural areas.

Food and drink

When everyone is seated, the bridal table is served first. At a buffet or smorgasbord the guests will serve themselves, but the top table will always have separate service so that members of the bridal party need not leave their seats. Champagne is the traditional wedding drink, but a welcoming glass of sherry or an ap’eritif followed by wine with the meal and then champagne or sparkling wine for the toasts is acceptable.

Cutting the cake

No reception is complete without a wedding cake. Traditionally it is a rich fruit cake with two, three or even four tiers, iced and decorated. Sometimes the top tier is kept for the christening of the first child – in which case it must be a fruit cake or it will not keep. Otherwise, there is no reason why you should not choose any flavour or type you prefer. The cake should be well displayed during the reception, either on a special table decorated with flowers or in pride of place on the top table, and should receive its first cut from the bride and groom after the meal. The rest of the cake is then cut up and served to the guests, usually by the bridesmaids. If you wish to send portions of the cake to friends and relations who were unable to attend the wedding, order cake envelopes or boxes and make sure the cake is cut to fit.

Music and dancing

At the reception your choices are virtually unlimited – you can have a jazz band, a DJ, a covers band, a classical guitarist, a string quartet. When booking a live band, it always helps if you hear a CD or tape of their music first, or better still see them in action at a public performance. If you are considering a DJ, ask to see a list of the music they play. If you have any special songs you would like to hear, tell them well before the day and most professional bands and DJs will try to accommodate your requests.

In choosing your music, give consideration to the age differences among your guests. More people will have a good time if you cater to majority tastes. Remember: loudest is not necessarily best, as many of your relatives and friends will be busy catching up with each other and will have to strain to be heard above loud music.

A good band or DJ will judge the mood and pace of the evening and will probably liven up as the evening wears on. It may be best to start off conservatively with a wide-appeal selection and then towards the end of the evening, put on some louder dance music. In situations where amplified music might not be so convenient, perhaps out of doors with no access to a power source, consider hiring an acoustic or jazz band, or a small orchestra for a classic formal wedding. The first dance is a tradition that’s still going strong. For some couples the traditional bridal waltz has lost its appeal. Many are instead opting for something more modern, romantic and personal. If you wish to take lessons, two to four months is enough time to learn a simple dance. Choose a song that’s easy to dance to, not too long and that preferably has a four beat, then find a teacher in your area.

Departures

Generally the guests will not leave the reception before the bride and groom, so the newlyweds should consider others when timing their departure. If they intend to party on they should make an announcement that guests are free to leave when they wish. The last ritual is for bride to throw her bouquet to the female guests, the lucky catcher being the next bride, according to folklore. With the departure of the bride and groom, the wedding reception is now officially over and guests may leave. But the party can go on as long as drinks hold out, or the arrangement with the reception venue allows.

Finale

The last official act, according to traditional etiquette, is a delivery of flowers from the groom to the bride’s mother, the day after the wedding. The florist will take care of this by previous arrangement. Seeing to this is the best man’s final duty.