Your groom speech at your wedding celebration is the last thing you want to deal with.   However, you can’t find any way around it, it is mandatory that you give one.  With all the fuss of getting everything taken care of,  how on earth are you suppose to come up with a decent groom speech….You can barely keep your thoughts focused as is, let alone begin to think about presenting a tearful heartfelt groom speech to your wedding guest and beautiful bride.

Well one way to start is taking a note pad and writing down everything you can think of that you might want to mention during your wedding speech.  Whenever a thought or idea pops into your mind note it down. This process is just getting those thoughts down on paper so you can start the process of elimination.   By the end of the day you’ll be surprised with how much material you came up with.  The challenge now is to make this whole clutter of random thoughts and ideas into a groom wedding speech. It will help if you set an outline down to help this speech to flow better.

photo credit: johnhope14

A good start would be to thank your entire guest for coming out to celebrate this day with you and your bride.  Also, thank your wedding party for their participation in the wedding celebration as well as the people behind the scene.

Next you’ll want to take the time to talk about your parents and your in-laws. Thank them for their part in making this day possible and preparing the both of you for adulthood.

Last put certainly not least is your bride. You will want to spend the majority of your time addressing your beautiful bride. Talk about how you two meet, the moment you realize you feel in love with her and how you look forward to spending the rest of your life together. Then tell her how much you love her.

If you choose to tell a joke during your groom speech make sure you don’t include it during the sentimental parts like addressing your parents and bride. Jokes usually come after the thanking of people or during the wedding toast.

You can use the material from your first sheet of thoughts and anecdotes and fill in the outline.  Switch them around until they flow.  Groom speeches shouldn’t last no more than 10 minutes 7 will be ideal. You don’t want to spend all your time thanking people and listening to yourself speak. I’m sure you will want to enjoy the celebration as would your guest.

When you follow your outline you’ll see writing your groom speech is easier than you can imagine.   Need more information on writing that perfect speech visit. The Groom Speech Site to get the best tips and ideas.

Public speaking comes naturally to some and not to others. Wedding speeches are no exception. If you are one of the lucky (or unlucky depending on how you look at it!) ones chosen, it will be because you are special to the bride and groom. Your speech will be a precious moment in their day that will be remembered for the rest of their lives (Probably more so if it is a terrible speech!).

Topping the list of a bloke’s worst fears are hypodermic needles and public speaking. Too bad then, that one of the traditional duties of the Best Man, Groom,  Father of the Bride and often the Bride and/or her Bridesmaids, is their wedding speech. Don’t let your friends and family down – with some preparation and practice, you can make a delivery that will be a memorable part of this special occasion.

Or, you could simply relax and let someone else do the talking. The rules about wedding toasts and speeches are more relaxed these days, and this is no longer a man’s domain, with a new generation of confident brides and bridesmaids getting up on their feet and making themselves heard.

Alternatively, you could use a professional master of ceremonies or a relative/friend with the gift of the gab.

Timing is important, and this will depend on the mood. It’s best to start the toasts and wedding speeches earlier rather than later, before the alcohol fuels the mood, and only after guests have been seated. You could also stagger the speaking between courses. There is a trend to ‘open floor’ receptions where anyone can stand up, unplanned, and say something. This idea should be treated with caution, as it can be disruptive and someone may just say something inappropriate or offensive.

Grooms – it is also wise to talk with your future father-in-law during the planning of your toast or wedding speech. Let him know what you intend to say, when you plan to say it and whether he may like you to go first – he could be feeling a little nervous about the contents of your toast.

The basic rule for any speech preparation is practice, practice, practice! Deliver your toast in front of a mirror or someone who can give advice. Tape yourself practicing.

If you’re sticking to tradition, here are some basic pointers: The father of the bride makes a toast to the bride and groom: the groom toasts the bridesmaids: and the bestman thanks the groom for his kind words on behalf of the bridesmaids. A toast to absent friends, by the groom or father of the bride, is also appreciated. As previously mentioned, there are no hard and fast rules about who does what, and these roles can be easily allocated to other members of the bridal party.

photo credit: russelljsmith

Regardless of who makes the toast, there are some basic conventions – stand when you’re the one toasting, don’t drink a toast to yourself, and make it brief. Don’t ramble. Make it short and positive (a maximum of three minutes).

The best wishes and messages, normally read out by the bestman (and maybe also the groom if there are a lot of them), are prepared during the meal to make the process as seamless as the delivery of the speeches. The bestman traditionally slips in a few gag messages to add a touch of humour to the proceedings. The bridesmaids and bride could also fulfill this traditional role, which is one of the highlights for wedding guests.

If you get stuck with writing a wedding speech, seek help. After asking a few questions, a speechwriter should be able to tailor make a speech for you. Alternatively, you could follow another trend – which is to not have any speeches at all. But don’t let this exciting part of the wedding reception scare you.

Remember, it is your day – make it work for you.

A reception can be as grand or as informal as you wish but, to a degree, it will depend on the style of your wedding ceremony. There are many different kinds of reception: large, small, formal, semi-formal, informal, stand-up or seated. How much you can or want to spend on your wedding reception is the biggest deciding factor. Take a long, hard look at the cost of the reception you are planning, then add 10% and see if you can afford it. Don’t overstretch your finances at this point.

The level of formality will be reflected in every detail of the wedding, starting with the wording and presentation of the invitations, through to dress standards and the order of events at the reception.

Formal

Formal receptions mostly follow a standard format of guests arriving ahead of the wedding party and bride and groom (who may be formally introduced, perhaps with a receiving line). A series of formal speeches follows, along with the cutting of the cake and the bride and groom’s first dance. Formal receptions usually include a sit-down catered meal and are often held at purpose-built function and catering venues at clubs, hotels, resorts, golf courses, wineries or restaurants.

While more formal receptions often include details such as seating plans and place-name cards, most large venues usually have a dedicated events coordinator who can be extremely helpful in checking off all the details.

Vanessa and Steven Wong had over 300 guests at their wedding and reception, which was held at a large hotel in Wellington. ‘The wedding coordinator at the hotel was so helpful,’ Vanessa says. ‘She really listened to what we wanted, which was good because I was organizing it from London. She was very flexible and allowed us to semi-personalise the look of the reception and alter the menu to include dishes such as roast port, which is a traditional dish at Chinese weddings,’

Less formal

At less formal receptions, such as in a private garden, you won’t necessarily have an event coordinator to provide backup and checklists, but you can have more flexibility in the arrangements. For example, even if you hire a caterer you can often supply the alcohol, giving you a wider choice of beverages along with cost savings.

Of course, casual receptions don’t require many of the trimmings of a formal affair. Murray and Janine Ansell were married at Whangamata in January. They organized their reception a few weeks in advance by booking the restaurant at the Whangamata Club. Guests came dressed in whatever was comfortable, including shorts and t-shirts, and the 40 adults and several children enjoyed (and highly praised) the regular Saturday night buffet from the club’s kitchen. Janine ordered a big chocolate cake two weeks in advance, and the flowers were ordered on the day. Surrounded by family and friends, in the atmosphere the couple wanted, it was a perfect and memorable reception.

The reception

After determining the style of reception, decide on an appropriate venue, such as a hotel, restaurant, hall or function centre, at home, in a marquee, or on board a boat. Take the following into account: budget, theme, number of guests, proximity to the ceremony venue, alcohol licence, time of day, type of food and entertainment requirements. You also need to decide if you will have the reception fully catered for or partially catered for. Remember two things when you are planning your reception. First, receptions are the single biggest expense for a wedding, so it is never too early to start wedding planning. Second, keep in mind it’s the gathering of your family and friends that makes your reception special.

As a general rule (traditional)

• Late morning weddings are followed by a formal seated meal or buffet.
• A church ceremony in the early afternoon is nearly always followed by a stand-up buffet.
• A ceremony late in the day – at 4.30 or 5 o’clock – can be followed by drinks, with a seated dinner and dance later in the evening.
• A hotel, restaurant or professional caterer can arrange everything for you.
• To seat guests with the least fuss, place cards are essential
• Seating plans should be given careful consideration, as guests cannot mingle easily once seated. You want people to talk to each other and feel comfortable, so seat those with similar interests and of similar ages together.
• Have a floor plan somewhere near the entrance to the reception or hand out cards with their table number to guests as they arrive.

At the reception

Most newlyweds hold their wedding reception at a function centre, hotel, restaurant, rented hall or private home. Outdoor receptions with marquees are another alternative if you have a big lawn. Sometimes a hotel, park or vineyard might permit you to erect a marquee on its grounds. Or for something different, consider a boat, historic home or even a barn.

While the wedding party are having their photographs taken, the Master of Ceremonies – this can be a friend or relative with good organizational and improvisational skills – asks the guests to proceed to the reception venue, preferably in convoy to assist guests from out of town. Parents of the bride and groom (or whoever is hosting the reception) greet guests as they arrive. If the bridal party is not away having photographs taken, the traditional receiving line to greet guests would be: the bride’s parents, groom’s parents, then the bride, the groom and attendants. While the guests mingle they are offered hors d’oeuvres and champagne, wine, ape’fitifs or non-alcoholic drinks. When the wedding party arrives, the Master of Ceremonies asks the guests to stand and the wedding party is escorted to their table. The guests may then be seated.

Top-table seating

Traditional seating for the top table is, from left to right: chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, best man. Other members of the party, including step-parents of the bride or groom, are added to each end, according to the same plan – men alternating with women, the two families nicely mixed. Another suggested seating is to have a top table for the wedding party with a table directly in front for the parents of both the bride and groom, close family and friends of the parents and any distinguished guests, such as the minister.

Master of ceremonies

The MC is an important supporting role in your wedding celebrations. Although various people give speeches at the reception, it is the MC who effectively acts as a ring master, warming up the crowd, controlling the order of events and keeping things running smoothly. The MC’s duties can include making any last minute announcements after the ceremony, assisting with the photographs, asking the guests to stand for the arrival of the wedding party, informing guests of the format for the evening, and introduce the speaker for the speeches.

When choosing your MC, you should look for someone who is comfortable and confident speaking in public. A sense of humour is a great advantage as this will put people at ease and establish a relaxed tone for the evening. If possible, choose someone many of the guests and wedding party already know.

Speeches

Speeches are traditional, but by no means obligatory. A good speechmaker can by very entertaining, but for those not experienced or confident in public speaking, speeches should be brief, sincere and to the point.

Generally, the speeches take place at the start of the reception, either before the meal begins or between the entr’ee and main course. This leaves those making a speech free to enjoy the rest of the reception.

• The first to speak is the bride’s father (or close friend or relative of the bride’s family). At the conclusion of this speech, a toast is proposed to the couple’s health.
• The groom replies, thanking the first speaker then the guests for their attendance. He expresses his appreciation to the bride’s parents for their input into the wedding and compliments their daughter. Then he pays tribute to his own parents and rounds off by proposing a toast to the attendants.
• If the bride chooses to speak it would be appropriate for her to do so at this point. As this will be just prior to the best man’s response, to keep procedure flowing smoothly, we suggest the bride starts with ‘Just before we hear from our best man. I’d like to say a few works…’ or something similar.
• The best man’s official duty is to reply on behalf of the attendants. If he is confident speaking, he may be less formal, keeping his topics appropriate to the range and age of the guests. He can finish the speeches by reading telegrams and faxes, and should mention how lovely the bridesmaids look.

There may also be toasts to the bride’s parents to which the father of the bride responds; and a toast to the health of the groom’s parents, to which the groom’s father will respond, these will precede any reading of the telegrams (or emails).

Telegrams

Telegrams, or more recently emails, are a time-honoured tradition for relatives and friends who can’t be at the wedding in person, or for those present who wish to add their touch of humour to the speeches. If time does not permit the reading of all the telegrams, read some of the more noteworthy ones and mention the names of the others who sent messages in recognition of their effort. An alternative or addition to reading all the telegrams is to display them somewhere prominent, perhaps a foyer. Wedding messages are often delivered early in the morning so it is preferable to have a domestic address for delivery, as reception centres are frequently closed. Telegrams in New Zealand are now handled by private companies (check the Yellow Pages for listing). They can deliver on Saturday morning to main centres; check with them for delivery in rural areas.

Food and drink

When everyone is seated, the bridal table is served first. At a buffet or smorgasbord the guests will serve themselves, but the top table will always have separate service so that members of the bridal party need not leave their seats. Champagne is the traditional wedding drink, but a welcoming glass of sherry or an ap’eritif followed by wine with the meal and then champagne or sparkling wine for the toasts is acceptable.

Cutting the cake

No reception is complete without a wedding cake. Traditionally it is a rich fruit cake with two, three or even four tiers, iced and decorated. Sometimes the top tier is kept for the christening of the first child – in which case it must be a fruit cake or it will not keep. Otherwise, there is no reason why you should not choose any flavour or type you prefer. The cake should be well displayed during the reception, either on a special table decorated with flowers or in pride of place on the top table, and should receive its first cut from the bride and groom after the meal. The rest of the cake is then cut up and served to the guests, usually by the bridesmaids. If you wish to send portions of the cake to friends and relations who were unable to attend the wedding, order cake envelopes or boxes and make sure the cake is cut to fit.

Music and dancing

At the reception your choices are virtually unlimited – you can have a jazz band, a DJ, a covers band, a classical guitarist, a string quartet. When booking a live band, it always helps if you hear a CD or tape of their music first, or better still see them in action at a public performance. If you are considering a DJ, ask to see a list of the music they play. If you have any special songs you would like to hear, tell them well before the day and most professional bands and DJs will try to accommodate your requests.

In choosing your music, give consideration to the age differences among your guests. More people will have a good time if you cater to majority tastes. Remember: loudest is not necessarily best, as many of your relatives and friends will be busy catching up with each other and will have to strain to be heard above loud music.

A good band or DJ will judge the mood and pace of the evening and will probably liven up as the evening wears on. It may be best to start off conservatively with a wide-appeal selection and then towards the end of the evening, put on some louder dance music. In situations where amplified music might not be so convenient, perhaps out of doors with no access to a power source, consider hiring an acoustic or jazz band, or a small orchestra for a classic formal wedding. The first dance is a tradition that’s still going strong. For some couples the traditional bridal waltz has lost its appeal. Many are instead opting for something more modern, romantic and personal. If you wish to take lessons, two to four months is enough time to learn a simple dance. Choose a song that’s easy to dance to, not too long and that preferably has a four beat, then find a teacher in your area.

Departures

Generally the guests will not leave the reception before the bride and groom, so the newlyweds should consider others when timing their departure. If they intend to party on they should make an announcement that guests are free to leave when they wish. The last ritual is for bride to throw her bouquet to the female guests, the lucky catcher being the next bride, according to folklore. With the departure of the bride and groom, the wedding reception is now officially over and guests may leave. But the party can go on as long as drinks hold out, or the arrangement with the reception venue allows.

Finale

The last official act, according to traditional etiquette, is a delivery of flowers from the groom to the bride’s mother, the day after the wedding. The florist will take care of this by previous arrangement. Seeing to this is the best man’s final duty.